Taking Chances

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want to be when I grow up. I have a pretty fabulous job that I have worked so hard for and people would kill for (and the whole down slide of the economy argument- I'm lucky for even having a job). I know I have it pretty good. Yet, there are days when it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Or that it’s right. Or that there might be more for me- more depth, more meaning, more something. I think constantly about all the things I want to try and do and be and it’s dizzying to say the least. I remember when I was younger I wanted to be all things creative- an art teacher, a chef, interior designer, or something in fashion. Alas, I have begun my career in accounting… quite possibly the most opposite direction I could have gone from my young desires from a career. Maybe my creativity was stifled along the way or I have become less of a free-spirit and my dad has influenced me to be a more realistic person. I feel constantly cursed by the urge to expand my horizons, and I do feel pressure and the head spinning speed of passing time as I hurdle into my twenties (right, right I’m still young-ish). I don't know if it is the American way or just something inside of me (and many people for that matter) that we all feel this insane pressure to be all things and compare ourselves to others who SEEM to be doing all those things we aren’t is a tale I know all too well. I am such a “grass is greener” type of person and am always imagining what it’s like walking in other women’s’ shoes. I wonder about doing other things with my life; other things that interest me greatly like writing a blog, focusing on design, opening a clothing store, opening a bakery, teaching yoga, teaching art or even having babies (someday). I used to dream about moving into the big city (check) and now I dream about moving out of this country, vacationing in a jungle, or on a deserted island or experiencing something new and life changing that could open my mind to things I’ve never considered before- things as simple as learning about different religions and cultures. Basically, I know in my heart I can try all these things, and some of them might be failures. But something I am learning very quickly is that trying feels really good because you can never have regrets as long as you try- you either succeed or you fail and know that you gave it a shot and it wasn’t meant to be. As I’ve heard a million times over- people often regret what they didn’t do rather than what they did do so I’m going to make a commitment to DO more without thinking it through and picking it apart until there isn’t much left. All these new adventures in my life make me recognize the growth they are bringing me mentally and spiritually. Failure is something I have historically feared more intensely than anything else in this world and I’m starting to find I am less and less afraid of it. All I have to do is ask myself “what’s the WORST that can happen?”– And more often than not, the true answer is not as scary as the monstrosity I conjure up in my head. Yet it is hard to let go of old habits. My worst one is trying to be what everyone else wants me to be (or what I think everyone else wants me to be). Being yourself and owning it- the good and the bad- is a really tough thing to do, but so worth the fight. I have accepted that I will never be (and probably shouldn’t be) a doctor, a talk show host, a lawyer, a shrink, a politician, an actress, or runway model. Other people were born to be those things, I wasn’t. Following your passion and bliss won’t always bring you fame and fortune, but it might just bring you a little peace of mind. And once you stop feeling passionate about that thing you are doing, you can switch it up and try something else that does get your juices flowing. I’ll move onto something else that I do feel excited about. But I won’t think of it as a failure, but rather a recreation of who I am. Life is meant for self realization and it may only be possible to achieve this through testing yourself, taking yourself out of your comfort zone and experiencing something new and different. I've got to learn to go with it. Make changes. Try new things. Take a few risks. But most importantly, I'm learning to relax a little and be a smidge kinder to myself. This is my first entry and my attempt at conquering one of the goals on my life to-do list. Thank you for listening (reading) and if we were having a drink right now I'd definitely 'cheers' you!